Wow! This was an eye opener. What I discovered was that there are several areas that I need to work on. The first major one was family. I do okay with my own family (as in my husband, kids, and grandkids). What I need the most is to work on my relationships with my mother and my brother. This is an area where I have not handled things very well. I become very frustrated with my mother alot. She is and has always been a very negative person. Many times I have chosen not to deal with it by just shutting her out. I don't answer the phone when she calls or I avoid her all together. I really need to work on this. She is who she is and since this has been her personality forever, she is not likely to change. The change therefore needs to come from me. I think I need to focus on the very few positives that are in the relationship. She is supportive of me and my career and my life. She doesn't know or chooses not to voice her feelings. Just when I think I can't take it anymore, she sends me a card telling me how important I am to her and that I am her rock in life. Wow! I'll work on this by trying to be more patient of her.
As for my brother, I'm not sure this is a situation that will ever change. It also is not one that worries me or bothers me that we do not speak. He has been the source of much heartache in my life over the years. I have forgiven him for much of what he has done, but have also chosen not to be around him until he changes his ways. He is to put it bluntly, lazy (no job for 6 years), vulgar (language that would embarrass a sailor), a con artist (scams money or things from anyone or any place he can), and very disrespectful to my mother (he curses her out and calls her very bad things.) He also abused his four month old daughter by shaking her and putting her in the hospital for months. This is one of the things I have trouble with the most. At this point, all I can do to repair this relationship is to pray for his soul. He needs to find the Lord.
Some positive things that have come from this assessment are I have gone very far in improving my nutrition and fitness. I have lost nearly 100 pounds since February (thanks to gastric bypass surgery). I feel so much better and I have started walking. That is something I never have been able to do. I make it my routine now to walk at least 2 miles a day and I am increasing that each day. That makes me feel good! My family is proud of me for my accomplishments thus far.
My priorities right now are in improving my own health and developing my own inner peace. I will resolve the other issues in time. Some of those areas are not yet ready for growth and development. Each new experience or issue will be looked back on and I'll re-assess how I handled it at the time. Progress is happening one step at a time. Thanks for letting me share.
Hi Denise sounds like you have some things going on. I am glad you lost 100 lbs and are continuing to make progress in this area. Walking is great. while out on your walks have you noticed the flowers, the many different green colors of the leaves, how blue the sky is, these are all things to look for while walking and allowing yourself a moment to reflect on your mom, brother, husband, kids and grandkids. You are blessed and soaking in every moment you can with loving-kindness will motivate you to continue the path you have chosen. I look forward to hear how you are doing. Pam12
ReplyDeleteDenise,
ReplyDeleteHello! After reading your blog I found we have a lot in common. I too have a difficult brother in my life, but in my case my brother is like your mom in being a very negative person. My brother lives a life full of drama and I chose not to live a life like that and I find whenever I am around him he brings me down. My brother chooses to lash out at others and put them down I guess to make him feel better about himself. He also thinks he knows everything about everything and he chooses to be loud and carry on about things, which I do not like. My brother always has something wrong with his life. He can never sit back and enjoy life and be pleasant to be around.
Another thing we have in common is I have had Gastric Bypass too (RNY) and I have lost approximately 120lbs. Kudos to you!! I know from personal experience it is work to lose the weight and it is not the easy way out (like some people think it is).
Keep up the good work and best of luck in bettering your relationship with your Mom.
Maybe it would be worth sitting your mom and brother down, separately of course, and talking to them like they were a client. What do you have to lose? You are so "together" so it was surprising to see that you have this issue in your immediately family. Truly this class can help you through to a resolution. I have an estranged father of 13 years that I'm actually thinking about having a conversation with just to practice compassion. He's a real sicko but it would be the ultimate challenge for me.
ReplyDelete