I have to admit I got frustrated with this one. Try as I might, I just cannot get rid of all of the thoughts that are floating around in my mind. It was much easier for me to do the loving-kindness exercise. I have no trouble thinking of others or even myself and focusing on the loving-kindness. But it is just so frustrating to try and clear my mind when there is so much in there to think about. I like the ebb and flow of the water and I can't help but picture myself lying on the beach. I don't think my frame of mind was right when I started on this. I wasn't in a very good mood and I had too many things that were frustrating me in the beginning that I just couldn't get rid of.
My husband left for work this morning in a bad mood after we had a disagreement the night before. I couldn't think of anything else but that disagreement. I hate having a day where we didn't speak before he left to go to work. I always think of all of the "what ifs" during the day that follows. Maybe I'm just not an inner focused kind of person.
I think it would be awesome to be able to be in this place and be able to clear the mind, but it is just not something that I have learned to do yet. I think that to do this you must be practiced in it for years prior to completely being able to be absorbed in it. I guess that is why it is so frustrating for me. Anyway, it didn't take me long to become bored and unfocused with this one.
I love that the exercises don't work for all of us. It tells us that it's ok to be individual. I had to speed up the exercise to make it work for me. I have an spat with my husband about every 5 years. It hurts me that we lose the time on something that is always stupid when we look back on it. We don't have to work on our relationship otherwise and I always know that he is my calming source. I can grab him at anytime and know he gets it. Our next reading talks about changing the way we work into a serving mode. I think we're all about to get more honest with ourselves and others. Nice honest post girl!
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